Special Midnight Bulletin...

Due to some Adriana difficulties... we had to reschedule our usual posts on Friday to today. Not to mention that during this programme, there would be an intermission for a dramatic pause in between news. And with that, let's start our SPV Midnight News Report! Special Edition!

This is The Unholy One reporting on Friday's news first! This will be the longest edition as we're reporting for two days. And by god, I tell you now, it'll be an exciting adventure!

I was actually paid to say that. To tell the truth, you would find more action and excitment in expired bread. So yea. Hang on to your seats at all times.


And just a gentle reminder. No hands and legs out of the vehicle at any time. No outside food and drinks allowed. No F.O.C. water can be served, but distilled water can be bought at 0.50 dollars from our friendly shemale waitresses.


Choir turn up bad again! Is this the first of a rebellion? How will the choir handle this?


Matthew returns. Not batman, but Matthew. Is this good news or good news for the choir? Who knows...


Inspirational talk from president drives our weekly newscaster nuts! How is The Unholy One gonna handle it?


Damn Friday's news is short. Was there really that little on Friday?

Anyways...

Choir turn up bad again! What's wrong with you people!? Its the freaking hols guys! Come sing! And then enjoy macs! I just don't get how you guys can be so impassionate about this! God damn it my english sucks. Is it impassionate? Unpassionate? Depassionate? I think its "un".

Anyhow, really... try to make it to practices! We can't sing without you. I mean, technically, we can. But you guys, who are not coming, gotta come! Its not fair for those who are not interested, yet still come, namely... *ahem* but... I mean, come on... there's life in't, man!


The final episode of Matthew's Corner/Wall, after this trailer...


Matthew! Na na na na na na na na na Matthew! And his sidekick, tummy!

"Tummy, to the Fat Cave! In the Fat Mobile!"

"Holy bacon bits, Matthew! Its Chocolate Sundae!"

"Let's get'em, tummy, before he destroys Gotham City with his hot fudge gun!"

WHAM! BAM! ALAKAZAM! CHOW! SOCK! SHOE! CHEW! GULP! SWALLOW! DON'T SPIT! AND I REALLY CAN'T THINK OF ANYMORE!

"Alright Matthew! We did it!"

"Good job tummy! We totally devoured Chocolate Sundae!"

All this and more, on the next episode of "Matthew Returns"...


Back to news. Matthew really returns. With german chocolate~! Sugar high choir members reach new heights by singing really high with Matthew this friday! And keychains! One for each of us! How lovely! So lo-ve-ly! And finally we can get someone to play the piano! Extra bonus! Great for choir! And thats all for Matthew's corner!


And last for Friday's News! President comes up with First Ever Official Post for choir blog. In his post he stated many things that touched my heart. So true. So true. By being so sentimentally frank, he had touched the philosophical side in me. It was a heartwarming thing to witness. So go read it! It's the post(s) above, yea?


Going on to Saturday's News, after these short messages...


Did you know... that in recent surveys, 3 out of 4 people in today's society make up 75% of our total population!? That is really low. Society have thought of a brand new way of increasing this huge number.

And after decades of experiment, they found out that the key, was in Vitamins B, E, and beta-carotene! Enriched breads and cereals, pork, oysters, green peas, and lima beans are good sources for B. Vitamin E is found in wheat and watermelons. Beta-carotene is definitely in carrots.

This product was made by the Boys Recreational Experiments At Subway Toilets organisation, or BREAST for short. These youngs kids spent hours and hours of research, and finally came up with something they call Baaaa~ Irregular Growth, or BIG, for short.

This product actually contains all the vitamins and nutrients concentrated into small little pills. It enhances the development of the upper torso areas of both men and women. In other words, bigger boobs.

Thus, when the person is better endowed, we have a three people in one! They will be so large, you can even name them, dress them up! Buy them toys! And so, 3 out of 4 people would make up, instead, 300% of our population! Isn't that amazing!?

This is so as 3 people is 1, and the 4 person is one third of a person. Therefore, 1 divided 1/3 is 3. Thus, 300%!

So call us now! At 1800-BIG-BOOBS. That's 1800-BIG-BOOBS. Order now, and you'll even recieve 2 limited edition eye patches! What for? You'll know soon enough when they don't have your bra size. Call us today! And increase our population number!


Backwards is advertistment this! Today choir the join! People of assortments all have we! This wrote who one the like just! Now join!


This Summer, from the makers of the album "I don't shoot blanks", with their hit single, "I shot at you, but where's the baby?", brings to you, a whole new level of song writing, with their new album, "Love hits deluxe! Strawberry flavour"

With the old love hit, "My butt will go on"

"Eargh, argh, no matter how far, I believe, that my butt can, go on..."

And of course, who can forget, "Jizz in the bottle"

"I've got jizz in the bottle baby, but its old and its getting runny..."

Their new hit single, "What I've done"

"Don't let herpies come, and bork away, what I've done..."

So call now, only at $19.99! How we give you the one cent back? We split 5 cents into fifths! Easy as pie! So call now, and our first one million buyers will recieve a limited edition shit-brown neon polo T-shirt, with the words, "I suck... very well, so rape me!" written behind! Perfect for large parties of 5 men and more! Bukkake celebration is on if you're one on ten. Enjoy!


Tired of sitting at home watching boring TV? Reading too many blog posts in a day? Feel really exhausted studying for MSTs? Well this is it for you!

A new, revolutionary idea. Lick your butthole! Do you know why dogs are so happy all the time? Because they lick their buttholes! Scientists have realised that licking your own butthole is a way of asserting yourself and raising your self considence!

If you can lick your butthole, it shows that you have the flexibility of that of a jellyfish, and that you, are in control, of your life. Now turn to the person next to you and say, "You really should lick your butthole when you get home!"

Its new and in! Lick your butthole! But why stop at yours? Lick your friends' buttholes! And experience a whole new level of tasting! So why tarry? Lick a butthole today.

Licking buttholes come in different shapes and sizes. Taste may vary from time to time. Experience might change during online licking. Batteries not included. Extra buttholes and tongues sold seperately.


Is your life dull? Tired of staying at home all the time? Then come and try "Best Interest To Customers Health" Airlines! With state of the art wooden wings, refreshing open windows, comfortable stone seats, blind pilots, and really pretty butch air stewardesses in corsets, we offer only the best, to our customers! So come on down, and take off with us!


And finally, on to Saturday's News...

A 4 way Date? Can Jet-lagged Matthew handle this outing without feeling that its afternoon when its late at night? Will Adriana knock herself out by walking into a wall? Can Nicole hold anymore pee? And will Kenneth... er... be abit more normal? Find out more...

Voices members found in Toys R' Us. Are they really just a bunch of men-child? Who really knows? Also to be continued in sports...

In sports, Voices members found shoving themselves into a kid's fire engine. Find out more on this gruelling event...

The News Of The Century! Adriana seems smarter! Why is this so!? It's almost physically impossible! Find out more about this major event... soon...


As we come back to our young heroes, Sir Matthew had just returned from lands of far away, and requested for our party to follow him on this brave quest to gather down at the Lands of Orchard and communicate.

As Sir Matthew and young Zena-Adriana met up 2 hours after noon, they occupied themselves with a fresh brew of tea and lots of jargon. Kenneth the Mage headed to the centre of epic to join forces after he finished with his classes from the grand priests at Yamaha. As the party had grown large enough to travel, our brave youngs heroes trudged onwards.

Facing great winds and mobs of civilians, they travelled vast distances to the hardest stone in town, at the place called Hard Rock Cafe. Soon after they met Nicole the Witch and headed for dinner.

They went through countless dungeons and found the Secret Recipe. Just like the Holy Grail, it was a person, not a cup, the Secret Recipe, was a restaurant, not a piece of paper. Undaunted by this discovery, they ordered as much as they deemed possible with the amount of currency in their armor. After realising that the food really sucked, they finished and took a rocket to outer space, to... Star... bucks...

And as they landed on this unknown new territory, they realised, it too, wasnt a star, nor a buck, but a cafe. And went on with Mochas and Machis... Before they headed home, each to their separate clans, to rest up, for their next great adventure, which would only happen, some other day.


Voices members found in Toys R' Us watching a rubick cube video for ten whole minutes! Looking through barbie dolls and playing with basic neon balls, are our Voices nothing but children? How old are they? Gosh, an amazing sight to see 4 fairly grown people, playing with balls. Unimaginable!

What's next? Pacifiers and milk powder? How will we survive, in a society, where grown people play with kids' toys? Quite well, actually...


Soon after they were found wrestling with a fire engine. This fire engine was for kids, but they didn't notice its size. As one after another jumped into that tiny fire engine, they laughed and laughed and laughed, as their friend was saddistically twisting his/her arms and legs in ways never before thought possible just to fit into that small fire engine. Now that's called entertainment.

Passerbys stared and young kids cried. How is it so? Well, their little fire engine was suddenly occupied for someone twice as normally large and pictures were taken. A jolly good time, but where did our dignity go to?


Adriana has become smarter. What contradiction. Apparently, anytime one says Adriana, it has to be at least seven words away from the word smart, intellegent, or clever. That's the standard rule. But apparently we have to suspend that rule as just for today, she seemed clevererer than us. Cause she's clever, and we're cleverer. Thus when she's cleverer than us, she's clevererer.

How is it that she figured out her handphone didn't turn into paper? How did she know there wasn't a real phone call? How did she know Nicole wanted an ice cold Mocha?

What's happening? Is the world coming to an end? What went wrong? Something must've gone wrong today. What powers of stupidity does she have? Has all her stupidity reached us? Have we really become so dumb? More, next week.


And thats all for today's special episode. We hope you've enjoyed it, because there isn't one next monday.

*lifts "Aww" cardboard to audience*

And so, thank you and good night. It's me, signing off...