SPV Mars on Earth...

TOP SECRET

Its me, The Unholy One, from Sector 69, the invisible behind the scenes people, whom the government secretly gathered. If you have found out how to read this, you have come across something only for the human eye. You never knew this organisation existed, and shall continue so.

The following information will be disclosed to you at your personal risk. You will be decapitated if any of the following information is disclosed to anyone else. And thus with this knowledge, we shall continue. This was a piece of martian data we recovered from the alien crash site, late Sunday 2007. Its read as follows.


I have recovered information for two social phenomenons that occurred on the 29th and 30th of June human time.

Six human specimens was spotted in the structure they called "SP choir clubhouse" after 8pm Earth hours. It was one of the human's yearly celebration of the day of its birth. A weird ritual the humans perform, but nonetheless, excellent data for us.

They started by taking out a cube like structure and dismantling it, to reveal a dark brown coloured object, something they called "cake". With research from the word wide web, I had found that humans enjoyed ingesting cakes, from the cavity located at the bottom of their faces, or more commonly known as the "mouth".

Not knowing it was living or dead, the humans brutally dissected the "cake" into 6 irregular pieces, they pierced it with coloured "toothpicks" and continued this activity where each of them performed something for the main subject. The human they called "Joanna" and "Adriana" made primitive noises called "music" produced by vibrating their vocal chords.

Humans use these "mouth" cavities for various purposes. Ingestion of food, communication, entertainment with words and music, and the female variation uses them for something called "blow job".

And so after the short but excruciating vocal performance by the females, the one called "Wei Xin" pulled out his kept outer skin to show to the rest of the humans. Apparently, it was "funny" to them. "Humor" they call it. The one called "Nicole" then did a mating action called "groping" on the main subject.

Throughout all of this, we did not see any mating, which was unfortunate, but mating "videos" are found throughout the WWW easily, something they classify as "porn". After the groping, human "Matthew" and human "Kenneth" both performed a "belly dance". A weird action which was also classified as funny. Through all of this, the humans took "pictures" , as a remembrance of this occasion. Personally, it was very disturbing to witness.

After the "cake", the human "Kenneth" presented sacrifices to "Matthew" called "presents". It was a simple piece of processed wood and a weird looking piece of outer skin called "g-string". For what purpose it serves, we don't know yet, but its definitely not for protection.

What followed were many pointless activities called "games" and more ingestion of food. A total of 2 Earth hours were spent there before they headed back to their dens, or "homes", they call it.

END OF PART 1

They then soon gathered at "Matthew's place" after about an hour Earth time to "hang out". Although they did do it outdoors, we so no hanging of any sort.

They performed another ritual, which was that each were to consume large amounts of ethanol mixed with various other liquids. Ethanol is an Earth based liquid which addles the mind and kills at large quantities. No one knows why they consume it, but they enjoyed it quite abit. While they were "getting high", they played with "cards", that were once again processed wood.

And though this activity was limited, they spent a much greater time doing this. And at the end of the day, when they were finally exhausted, they all settled back to rest and recover for the next day.

And so, the question is, "Is Earth a worthy place to conquer?" The answer is no. Humans are illogical, senseless, and disgusting to every extent. But its in their little bit of weirdness that makes them so enjoyable to watch. Let us martians leave them alone in peace for this day. In all that excitement, they deserve just one more day of relaxation.

And so, this is what was recovered. Aside from that, I would like to apologise for the form of today's post and not being able to make it entertaining. It was meant to be a secret, and the only way to pull it off was to make it logical. For logic is the natural enemy of humour. And with logic, entertainment is god damned near impossible. And for now, its just me, The Unholy One, signing off... I'm really tired...