The National Day Series!

Hello Singapore! It's your 42th birthday, baby! Still looking good! 42's the new 24, you know! It's me Ladies and Germs, The Unholy One, to specially bring to you a special Choir National Day... Special!


First up, we'll take an exclusive look up in Nicole's... room! What were you thinking!?? And amazing sneak peek at what our friendly Nicole lives in! And its not a swamp, like all the rumours that are being spread... No... It's a real live room! But there are... little secrets in the room here and there... nya ha ha...

Next up! National day celebration at SP! Recounting this incident would take roughly 3 working days... so I'll just give bits here and there... it'll be really long...

Choir says Bye bye for exams... Boo hoo... no more choir... for another 2 1/2 weeks... Waaaaah!


First up... the other day, our brave reporters, Agent Kenneth and Agent Adriana ventured into the undisturbed realms of Nicole's home! AK and AA set off shortly after NDOC rehearsal on Tuesday on pretense of hunger and ill tempered parents whom they don't want to see...

And so seeing how pitiful as they were, Nicole brought them home for dinner... and soon we began to see how awful it was...

They had HUGE dinners!! Like a dinner for 100 grown men was for a meal of 4 over there! It was absolutely amazing! I've never seen so much fish in my entire life! No wonder the market's cleared out everyday! Nicole's maid must've gone to buy some fish for a snack or something...

Point is... it was a lovely dinner... with great food(assortment of 3 huge plates of dishes), great drinks(yakult and vitagen) and desserts(grapes), and of course... lots of dog fur for Kenneth, cause Nicole had this hair dropping monstrosity in her home, which Kenneth touched without any forewarning.

You know how snails leave a trail of slime? This one left trails of hair... it like the dogs of wolverine, super fast regeneration ability, you could practically see the hair grow on that thing! And fall, too! I can even hear the hair go, "hey, let me stay on awhile! Oops... falling now... whee..."

So from the bottom of my heart... thanks for the dinner, Nicole... and Nicole's dog... whom I forgot to ask what her name was... probably something like "bark bark bark"... cause that's more or less what dogs can say when you ask them anything, period...

So we went up to her god forsaken room, only to find it the most amazing place we've ever seen... it was like stepping in a dream... with dreamy walls... and dreamy... okay! Dreams over! I just remembered how the toilet smelled after what Adriana did with it... sheesh...

Now, the thing you have to know about Nicole's room, its amazing! Great decor, built in mattress holder(My old house had one of those), toilet, super cool cabinets, and more stuff...

She has these little drawings on her walls... where you're usually supposed to hang pictures... I suppose she figured painting and hanging them would be too much trouble, so she just drew on them... little quotes and stuff... cool wall...

Built in toilet... cool large basin, cool toilet bowl, cool flush, cool two way swinging shower door, and a cool double toilet roll dispenser! All equipped with dolby surround sound and a plasma TV! I was joking... about the basin...

And so... I'm sorry Nicole... I know they had to replace your toilet bowl after that night... prunes got stuck all over the inside... so I'm sorry... I know... it was really gross... ew... stank too...

And she has this really cool wardrobe that is made for short people! I know she likes feeling tall... but THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT WAY, NICOLE! Assortment of clothes and stuff... the queen size bed totally rocked...

Then comes her little things... she has this really cool photo collection! I won't stress on that... we'll leave those sweet sweet memories to ourselves... if I say too much here... people might be compelled to burn all of theirs... in any situation where it accidentally reaches my hands... sorry 'bout that Nicole... I promise you'll have fun with mine...

And then her little toys! Her favourite lizard... her bean bag frog... (snicker...) and her magnet electronic insect repellent... called the "bye bye" insect... for some reason... scientists have created this powerful device to actually communicate to insects and usher them out of your room... eg. "Good evening Mr. Cockroach. I'm afraid to tell you this piece of bad news but you have to leave this room immediately. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye." and the cockroach leaves!!! Amazing!

After hanging about in her house till about 10.30... we had to say bye bye ourselves... not very fun... but we'll promise to stay over one day!


Ah... the NDOC next... the national choir disaster... mandatory... so I'll get it over with...

This year, our choir participated in the celebrations at SP for "Happy 42th Birthday Singapore: Up yours! Americans!" I mean, seriously... with a song like "Place"... it's like declaring war upon the world, you know... We're telling everyone that Singapore is better than everywhere else! Thames, UK, London Bridge, Big Ben, Great Wall... honestly... bad choice of lyrics, my dear pal...

And yes, you guessed it! We sang "Place", "Will you", "Count on me Singapore", and "Stand up for Singapore"... more patriotism in those four songs than what you can find at Gay Pride Parades...

The point is... we were more than happy to sing those songs, weren't we? We loved practicing extra hours with maniacal soloists whom half of them can't sing for shit, while the other half thinking this is Campus Superstar... then do ridiculous dance steps which make Richard Simmons look like Michael Jackson, then stand in the sun for half of a god damned sunny afternoon... all this while, trying to smile... and look happy!

So while we were temporarily blinded and in a Sauna baking like potatoes, Lamb Chop, Pork Chop and Venison, (Only exception is Adri... she just turned red like Santa's costume...), we clapped hands, swayed from side to side, and generally sang to an audience worthy of a cemetery... No I'm serious! You could find more excitement in a mortuary than what we saw there... gawd... unbelievable...

Ha ha... of course... Jimmy was standing in the stands waving and clapping to us... ignorant to the rest of the audience... And Matthew... who gave up conducting us halfway, with this face that said, "we're screwed..." all the way through... but it was enjoyable nonetheless...

We enjoyed the rest of the performance though... I, Kenneth, got some time to talk to Joanna... whee... though she still thinks I'm completely mental... And! And! Esther said Adriana and I looked cute together! See? I've been telling Adri since I met her that she was meant for me! But Esther... unfortunately, it has been the other way round... see, the first time I hit on her... she went, "And what do I look like to you, a female ogre? And what do you want us to be, and ogre family? Want to be a papa ogre and me the mama ogre? Is this a fairy tale to you? You think this is Shrek 5? Go back to the swamp, you..." And that's how it is, Esther... still love your SIA costume though... whee...

And so after many many hysterical events... Oh! Balloon!... *ahem* hysterical events... we headed for free food... free food... free food... egg and longan... free food... laughter... free food... pictures with insane people... free food... pee is sterile... free food...

Yea... it was a great celebration...


And in really sad news... the choir has now officially stopped its practices for the exams... yes... its necessary... so we won't have choir for the next 3 weeks then... Boo Hoo!!!

So that's it from me tonight... have a good one people... and Happy National Day!