The National Day Series!

Hello Singapore! It's your 42th birthday, baby! Still looking good! 42's the new 24, you know! It's me Ladies and Germs, The Unholy One, to specially bring to you a special Choir National Day... Special!


First up, we'll take an exclusive look up in Nicole's... room! What were you thinking!?? And amazing sneak peek at what our friendly Nicole lives in! And its not a swamp, like all the rumours that are being spread... No... It's a real live room! But there are... little secrets in the room here and there... nya ha ha...

Next up! National day celebration at SP! Recounting this incident would take roughly 3 working days... so I'll just give bits here and there... it'll be really long...

Choir says Bye bye for exams... Boo hoo... no more choir... for another 2 1/2 weeks... Waaaaah!


First up... the other day, our brave reporters, Agent Kenneth and Agent Adriana ventured into the undisturbed realms of Nicole's home! AK and AA set off shortly after NDOC rehearsal on Tuesday on pretense of hunger and ill tempered parents whom they don't want to see...

And so seeing how pitiful as they were, Nicole brought them home for dinner... and soon we began to see how awful it was...

They had HUGE dinners!! Like a dinner for 100 grown men was for a meal of 4 over there! It was absolutely amazing! I've never seen so much fish in my entire life! No wonder the market's cleared out everyday! Nicole's maid must've gone to buy some fish for a snack or something...

Point is... it was a lovely dinner... with great food(assortment of 3 huge plates of dishes), great drinks(yakult and vitagen) and desserts(grapes), and of course... lots of dog fur for Kenneth, cause Nicole had this hair dropping monstrosity in her home, which Kenneth touched without any forewarning.

You know how snails leave a trail of slime? This one left trails of hair... it like the dogs of wolverine, super fast regeneration ability, you could practically see the hair grow on that thing! And fall, too! I can even hear the hair go, "hey, let me stay on awhile! Oops... falling now... whee..."

So from the bottom of my heart... thanks for the dinner, Nicole... and Nicole's dog... whom I forgot to ask what her name was... probably something like "bark bark bark"... cause that's more or less what dogs can say when you ask them anything, period...

So we went up to her god forsaken room, only to find it the most amazing place we've ever seen... it was like stepping in a dream... with dreamy walls... and dreamy... okay! Dreams over! I just remembered how the toilet smelled after what Adriana did with it... sheesh...

Now, the thing you have to know about Nicole's room, its amazing! Great decor, built in mattress holder(My old house had one of those), toilet, super cool cabinets, and more stuff...

She has these little drawings on her walls... where you're usually supposed to hang pictures... I suppose she figured painting and hanging them would be too much trouble, so she just drew on them... little quotes and stuff... cool wall...

Built in toilet... cool large basin, cool toilet bowl, cool flush, cool two way swinging shower door, and a cool double toilet roll dispenser! All equipped with dolby surround sound and a plasma TV! I was joking... about the basin...

And so... I'm sorry Nicole... I know they had to replace your toilet bowl after that night... prunes got stuck all over the inside... so I'm sorry... I know... it was really gross... ew... stank too...

And she has this really cool wardrobe that is made for short people! I know she likes feeling tall... but THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT WAY, NICOLE! Assortment of clothes and stuff... the queen size bed totally rocked...

Then comes her little things... she has this really cool photo collection! I won't stress on that... we'll leave those sweet sweet memories to ourselves... if I say too much here... people might be compelled to burn all of theirs... in any situation where it accidentally reaches my hands... sorry 'bout that Nicole... I promise you'll have fun with mine...

And then her little toys! Her favourite lizard... her bean bag frog... (snicker...) and her magnet electronic insect repellent... called the "bye bye" insect... for some reason... scientists have created this powerful device to actually communicate to insects and usher them out of your room... eg. "Good evening Mr. Cockroach. I'm afraid to tell you this piece of bad news but you have to leave this room immediately. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye." and the cockroach leaves!!! Amazing!

After hanging about in her house till about 10.30... we had to say bye bye ourselves... not very fun... but we'll promise to stay over one day!


Ah... the NDOC next... the national choir disaster... mandatory... so I'll get it over with...

This year, our choir participated in the celebrations at SP for "Happy 42th Birthday Singapore: Up yours! Americans!" I mean, seriously... with a song like "Place"... it's like declaring war upon the world, you know... We're telling everyone that Singapore is better than everywhere else! Thames, UK, London Bridge, Big Ben, Great Wall... honestly... bad choice of lyrics, my dear pal...

And yes, you guessed it! We sang "Place", "Will you", "Count on me Singapore", and "Stand up for Singapore"... more patriotism in those four songs than what you can find at Gay Pride Parades...

The point is... we were more than happy to sing those songs, weren't we? We loved practicing extra hours with maniacal soloists whom half of them can't sing for shit, while the other half thinking this is Campus Superstar... then do ridiculous dance steps which make Richard Simmons look like Michael Jackson, then stand in the sun for half of a god damned sunny afternoon... all this while, trying to smile... and look happy!

So while we were temporarily blinded and in a Sauna baking like potatoes, Lamb Chop, Pork Chop and Venison, (Only exception is Adri... she just turned red like Santa's costume...), we clapped hands, swayed from side to side, and generally sang to an audience worthy of a cemetery... No I'm serious! You could find more excitement in a mortuary than what we saw there... gawd... unbelievable...

Ha ha... of course... Jimmy was standing in the stands waving and clapping to us... ignorant to the rest of the audience... And Matthew... who gave up conducting us halfway, with this face that said, "we're screwed..." all the way through... but it was enjoyable nonetheless...

We enjoyed the rest of the performance though... I, Kenneth, got some time to talk to Joanna... whee... though she still thinks I'm completely mental... And! And! Esther said Adriana and I looked cute together! See? I've been telling Adri since I met her that she was meant for me! But Esther... unfortunately, it has been the other way round... see, the first time I hit on her... she went, "And what do I look like to you, a female ogre? And what do you want us to be, and ogre family? Want to be a papa ogre and me the mama ogre? Is this a fairy tale to you? You think this is Shrek 5? Go back to the swamp, you..." And that's how it is, Esther... still love your SIA costume though... whee...

And so after many many hysterical events... Oh! Balloon!... *ahem* hysterical events... we headed for free food... free food... free food... egg and longan... free food... laughter... free food... pictures with insane people... free food... pee is sterile... free food...

Yea... it was a great celebration...


And in really sad news... the choir has now officially stopped its practices for the exams... yes... its necessary... so we won't have choir for the next 3 weeks then... Boo Hoo!!!

So that's it from me tonight... have a good one people... and Happy National Day!

Mindless banter by a deranged maniac...

The Unholy One here... again to bring you news... but today's news is different... it has nothing to do with the choir...

And so... what do we have for you today? Well not alot really... its a Sunday and people are having their off days... so I'm just slacking off... not doing shit... wait... can you even "do" shit...? Well, that's besides the point... today's episode is basically gonna be a recount of the many random things that happened today... no humour whatsoever... just a recount...


-Bangla goes work happy!

-Nicole's priceless exhibition!

-Hot friends!

-Poisoned chocolate!

-Dinner at Gramps!

-Trapped in a shop!

-Plans for staying over foiled by mum!


Well... today was a really uneventful day, as you can see from the event summaries up there...

First up! Today I walked past a couple of Indian guys working, and I realised, that the guy was smiling! I mean... its a god damned Sunday! Sunday! He was working in the hot sun! Carrying loads of gravel! Working! This loony, was working on a Sunday, in the hot sun, carrying heavy stuff, SMILING! Who the hell does that honestly...

And so... it was a really weird thing to witness... not to mention he was also skipping quite abit... now that I think of it... he looked high... hmm...

And another thing... all these holes in Singapore... you know why the government never runs out of jobs for us? Cause, for no rhyme or reason, they just randomly get men to dig holes here and there and fill them up again! Endless jobs! Great government...


Next up... Nicole held her own exhibition at this red dot place at Tanjong Pagar... really neat... now this self-centred person... instead of walking us through the exhibits, decides to stand at her own exhibit, while quietly snickering at people behind their backs cause they don't know how to piece her puzzle... what ingenuity...

And so... that was her exhibit... 9 boxed puzzle... an "interactive" exhibit, so to speak... really good job though... like what they did with the place... a little devil tried chewing up her exhibit though... the little bugger prolly thought it was some large colored sugar cube or something...


And Nicole, of all people, has hot friends! There were a couple of people who came to the exhibit to cheer her on... I didn't see no cheerleaders but there were many hot chicks... point is... I'm thinking Nicole could be a babe magnet... sheesh... of all people... her... why not me... Waaaa!


Apparently... Adriana poisoned Nicole's chocolate... 5 minutes into eating the chocolate and Nicole ran, faster than she normally does, straight to the toilet... and stayed there for about a half hour... eating that little piece of chocolate was the last thing she ever did... poor Nicole...

Glad to let ya'll know... she's fine... the ambulance came in time to pick up her falling limbs... and she's staying at TUH, transsexual university hospital, eating liquid goo from a tube connected to her stomach cause her intestines turned to liquid goo...

Naw I'm just pulling your leg... she's dead and on the way to a mortuary right now... she died a fulfilling death... cause it was so fun to see her run to the toilet... with a look of pain on her face... we'll miss you Nicole...

I apologise, for I was tugging on the limb attached to your lower torso again... hard truth and boring truth... she was fine after the toilet... but I swear to god... she looked slimmer when she came out... it must've been the kinda crap that you'll lose 5 kgs after taking... awesome...

Another thought... why do we all "take" dumps? "I'm gonna take a shit." "I'm taking a crap now..." Well, I'll tell all 'a ya'll right now... I'm not taking no one's shit... I'll be leaving mine in there thank you very much...


And after the exhibition... the three odd musketeers headed over to Adriana's gramps... awesome house... I've never seen 30 people squeeze into a 4 room... cause that's what it was... as many as 30 people were squeezed into that tiny apartment... it was miraculous! Apparently this is once in two weeks... any more than that I'd think the floor'd collapse... sheesh...

But the food was good... the food was really good... but the only reason it was good was cause her aunt must've had tons of experience... can you imagine cooking for 30 people? In a year you must've had cooked enough for the nation to eat... who knows? Maybe more... Yes the food was good...


Then after... Nicole and I headed to Funan IT... originally intended to go Bugis... but I ended up spending my time at macs with Nicole... staring at the 2-D display motion sensor thingy... We then headed down to gramophone... where I spent another hundred... and we got trapped in the shop...

After purchasing the items, we turned for the exit... and there it was... blocked... and so we pondered and walked about the store for about a minute before asking... and the blocked exit was the exit... sheesh... we were trapped... and in the end... the nice counter lady removed the huge obstruction and we continued on our way...


And then we originally planned for an overnight stay at Nicole's... but apparently Someone's mum claims something might happen... vague isn't it... and that more or less cause the downfall... of our plans... its like saying The Ring was not delivered to Mount Doom as Gandalf told Frodo he might be raped by orcs... or something...

Gandalf is gay... or at least that Ian guy acting as him... on a second thought... I wouldn't wanna go there right now...

Sleeping time... Zzzzz....

Late... late... very late...

Hey yo people! The Unholy One in the house. It's a late post but I'll put it up anyway. Our President along with our student conductor and 3 of their other friends went to the National Acca Champs... I saw them pass the semi finals... and though we weren't there to see, they hit the finals and won! They are critically acclaimed... they are... ALTERED!!

Here are some photos of the semi finals...




















In the semi finals... they totally and utterly trashed their competitors... they obliterated them... it was not a pretty sight... like comparing human and god, they ruled... there's more on the post right at the top, by the way...

Signing off... No humour today... nya...