The longest wait...

*Spot lights shine...*

*Drums roll...*

*The stage explodes! Heavy metal rock playing in the background!*

"HEY HEY HEY!! LADIES... AND.... GENTLEMEN!!! I'M BACK!!"

*Sparks fly and stage bursts with explosives once again!*

"ITS ME! THE UNHOLY ONE! AND I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD! TO BRING YOU... ONCE AGAIN... NEWS SPV TONIGHT!" *Crowd roars*

*Large shadow appears behind him. Music changes*

"WEEEELLLLLL! HERE'S THE BIG SHOW!"

*Turns around and screams like a sissy girl*

~-~-~-~-~

He woke up with a start.

"Woah! What a dream! I dreamt I was like a WWE star or something. Hey babe, whatcha doing down there eh?"

The man who spoke was about thirty, of medium height, with fashionably styled brown hair, and very handsome.

He stopped short looking ahead of him, his dark eyes shining as he gazed at the naked girl who had been giving him head under the blanket.

And at the sight of her body, he started to get even harder. It grew to be as thick as her fist, and its length seemed to go on forever as it jutted massively into the air.

She felt weak in the knees, and the snake in her belly squirmed. She wanted to fall down and worship it, wanted to crawl to it and pay it homage. She wanted it deep inside her, all the way, filling her, stretching her, tearing her apart.

She was only keeping her eyes on his fantastic prick, breathing harder as she came close to it. She then flung her arms around his legs, moaning as she nuzzled the gigantic thing against her face.

She kissed it, slid her mouth along its length, licked it with her tongue. She kissed and licked his balls. She wanted it inside her, but she couldn't, it was too big.

So she brought out her Swiss army knife and sliced vertically downwards...

~-~-~-~-~

1337b0y59: A4h!!11! 5HI+ Pis5 phUXOR cUn+!!11!!

t45t3pu55y98: OmGWtF!1! rOPhPHlE5 My WoPHfLE$!!1!

1337boy59: OmFg d00d 1 W@s DRE@Mt Th4T 5UM1 CH00PED MY dC1k 0FFf!11!

t45t3pu55y98: N01 1n +3h R1H9+ mInD'd cHOPPxX0Rx J00R CcoKXX0rX.-.

1337boy59: 1M H@vE tEH 1337 H0t 80d @ND J00 5uX0R!1!!

t45t3pu55y98: j00 5ux L1kE J00R MuM L4MO l0L L0L!1!!

1337boy59: Hey man... look out your window... you see that rock?

t45t3pu55y98: u 5UCh 4 wHor3 4ND... 0w... pHuk u!1!!

~-~-~-~-~

And that was the end of our exciting dream segment of today's News SPV Tonight. Its me, The Unholy One, here to bring you once again, the best kind of humour in the world, the type at your expense. Here we go...

~Tonight's New Headlines~


Sex at FC6. What will becoming of this threesome? Or... be cumming... More updates on this later tonight...


Smokers scared away as choir members scream their lungs out...


During the break, there'd be a special segment on how to speak leet.


Choir is pumped up for concert! But what else is pumping? Long hours at choir makes members compromise dinner. What ever will happen to our dinner time?


And of course, our Main Story, which has been going on for the past millennium, "Is Adriana really sane?" And the many styles of her laughter, another scientific mystery to the likes of mankind.



Sex at FC6? Mastermind Adriana set both P and VP of SP Voices to meet at FC6 early this Monday afternoon. Little did they both know she had so much in stored for them.

Within moments of arriving, the she-devil of a choir member hypnotised both P and VP to talk about sex, with her egging them on. This is some of the live footage.

Kenneth, "That's one hell of a nice sausage you got there. Awesome thing."

Wei Xin, "Yea and that bit off there is the circumcised part eh?"

And just as he bit into his sausage, a voice pipped up, "How bout some water to lubricate it?"

And choke choke sputter sputter. Bits of sausage flying everywhere. Surely it was the cause of this witch.

And for the whole hour they were there, it was nothing but sex talk, till Kenneth left the seat and broke the curse laid upon him. What other deviant plans does our quiet little rat have in store for us? Who knows...


Before choir practice, smokers and drug addicts usually hang outside the dance studio. DUring choir, they always disappear. Scientists have found this weird and did a study on it. The answer was simple. The reason they're leaving is because they cannot take anymore of hearing us singing and run away, to save their ears.

They now believe smoking is a much better alternative to joining the choir because they think their lungs are much less damaged compared to ours. I mean, where else does the phrase, "scream your lungs out" come from?

Also, the reason they're coming back is because their daily lives are so horrible they just want to see people suffering more than them. But then they come only to find that our suffering is more than they can bear and leave, once again.

~More... after this short break...~

Have you ever wanted to speak leet? Did you know that leet was invented in the early 1980s within the BBS, allowing leet users to access special files and chat rooms, like archives of pirated software, pornography, or text files documenting topics such as how to construct explosives and manufacture illegal drugs.

The use of leet was to defeat those damn irritating chat filters and those damn system operators from forbidding us to speak about forbidden topics. But nowadays, leet is used by those damn maple noobs, thinking they're so high class and all... pfft...

There are countless different suffix in leet. the -xor, the -age, the -ness, the -t, and the -&. Pointers in leet is to use as little alphabets as humanly possible, and also to use as bad grammer as possible.

Also use emphasis on the majority of your words, like OMGWTF!1!1?// or STFU!1!11 ROFL!!1!

Notice that I used a mixture of 1s and !s. Another point of leet is that you should be as good with your hands as baboons are good with logarithms. So have fun! And customize your words!

And then we have sentence length. The longer and more confusing your sentence is, the more leet it is. Let's say, just take "Austin rocks" is in plain english and is weaker than "Austin r0xx0rz", which again, is weaker than "/\u571N is t3h r0xx0rz" and which is by far weaker than "OMFG D00d /\u571N is t3h UBER 1337 R0XX0RZ".

All in all leet is lame and stupid. But fun for confusing your friends.

~And now, back to news...~

The Voices are now preparing hard for concert. With the constant nagging from the higher ups, our committee is working hard in chasing our guys to sing, extending practices. But... for some reason, why are all our girls ('cept a select few) so well endowed? It's really distracting!!

Besides that, the extended practices leave us with little time for dinner, not to mention work... so at times we have to compromise abit. But for our concert, it's worthit.


Tonight's Main Story, "Is Adriana really sane?" These few days, our cute little Adriana has been laughing alot more than scientists originally predicted. Its astounded at the rate she's growing at. Unbelievable!

She's gone so far she's even developed a 4th laugh. An average person has only a total of 1 laugh, and 1 that is faked, which are alot like orgasms, by the way.

But, Adriana has 4 laughs! Amazing! At this rate, she'll get a nobel prize for most number of laughters invented in history ever. But then again, there is a great similarity between her and the rest of the mental patients... which makes us question her sanity, doesn't it? But we love you, and no matter how insane you get, we'll still be there... to make you even worse...

*Cheesy ending music plays...*

I feel that my inspiration for these nowadays are gone... so yea... we might be stopping these soon...