On the evening of July 30th, 2007, the Freestyle R&B a Cappella group "Altered", won all of three separate awards in the National a Cappella Championships 2007.
After just 18 cumulative hours of training and practice, the freshly formed team battled their way through the semi-finals on the 26th of July, and eventually went on to claim the Junior College category Championship, the Overall Audience Favourite award, and the Best Beatboxer award.
With a group consisting of Matthew, Wei Xin, Shah, Aimran and Ryan (4 Singapore Polytechnic students and 1 Temasek JC student), Altered received compliments on its fresh performance style from known performers, conductors and musical notaries such as Babes Condes, Imran and vocal component of the Hip-hop R&B group, Juz B.
With the musical and performance advice of Joe Goh, Altered has succeeded in stunning the audience and professional musicians alike with their vibrance and audacity.
Following the Championships, Altered will be performing alongside the Senior College and Open competition category in Sonic Landscape.: a Cappella Festival 2007 on the 4th and 5th of September, and also featuring in the Singapore Polytechnic Choirs' concert; Debut: Musical Mosaic.
I'm so... freakin' pissed... I'm gonna have a BF...
Its me... The Unholy One... to look at life at ways you've never imagined... let's have a look at what we've got for tonight's short stories...
Adriana has fun with badminton!
Free sushi!
And no more Clementi meetings!
Bad attendence!
Adriana playing badminton turns really bad (pun purposefully put there, though totally out of context). Here's an interview with Kenneth, who saw everything.
"And so, I was minding my own business right? And I looked over, and I saw a person wearing a black sweater, see? And so I thought, 'I think that's Adriana!'. Right? And so I stand there, and wait to see what happens, cause I couldn't see her face.
And so these two guys, presumably her friends, said something, and then, I finally knew it was her, cause she, like, burst out laughing so hard she lost her balance, shrieking and shit. And I was like, 'shit, thats whacked man.' And so I like, stand there, and watch her play? And she was totally into it! She was literally flying about the court. Like, more than half the time without her feet on the ground.
It was really disturbing to witness..."
And there you have it, folks. A rare sight indeed. And it looked like her flying about paid off. And hour later, when she headed back to the clubhouse, she stank like putrid rotten eggs, because her feet were rotting off from this blister the size of my balls. Seriously! And she just hollared and hollared in pain. Serves her right.
That's it for this part, cause I really wanna talk about bad attendence.
Free sushi at Koufu! Every day, or night if you will, around 8pm, the japanese food store at koufu closes. And once they pack, they would have to throw away their food! Ain't that great? So Adri, Nicole, and Ken got free food from there Monday night.
So here's what we'll do. During dinner break at our choir meetings, we all camp out in front of the jap store. And wait for it to close, and then BAM! WHAM! We steal all her food! Great, ain't it...
Yes and there is no more meetings at clementi either... I really need to pee... let's just get this done and over with...
God... look you slacking phucktards... all of us, not excluding anyone, maybe perhaps Joe, has work to do. We all go to the same god damned poly everyday you stinking buttholes...
Look... if this carries on any further, I swear to god I'll knock your skulls in the next time you don't come... I'd burn your HDB flat down... and murder your whole family...
I'd erase you from the very pages of history. I'd pull out your nose hair and plug your noses with rotten eggs. I'd stuff tabasco up your asses, and I'd plug that with your handphones. I'd give you wedgies so much you could spread your underwear across your master bed. I'd spit on my hands and rub them into your ears, and your ears will be gooey and shit.
Then I'd force you to eat the sushi from that Jap store from Koufu. Ew... maybe not... that's abit too gross...
And those are just starters... and when I'm finally done, you'd really rue the day your dad looked at your mum with a twinkle in his eye...
So come to choir! And don't get killed! It'd hurt you alot more than it would hurt me. Come on down now! For more information call 1800-dont-kill-me... thats right... each call costs S$3.00 a minute...
~-~-~-~-~
Bloopers...
And its me, once again, The Unholy One, looking at people's shorts and stories... shit... i just said that... ~beep~
I'd erase you from the pages of the history text book, even Harry Potter would look at me and go, "Wow! Magic!"... ~beep~
And of course we got free food from the jap store... but honestly, the store owner probably pays people to eat her food... *Whack* Ow god damn it... that hurt... ~beep~
And then I'd whip you... and make you beg for mercy... and then I'd put a strap on... *Whack Whack Whack*... *Smack*... Okay! Okay! I'm sorry... got carried away... ~beep~
Oh she smelled lovely... yea... that rotting blister did too... *Smack*... just because you guys don't have a fetish for smelly... *WHACK! SMACK! SOCK! BAM!* Urgh... seriously now... *THUD* *Crumples to the floor* ~beep~
And then I'd pour hot wax all over your body... Ooh... Kinky... Er... what are you doing with that knife... stop... look... I'm not playing anymore... no... no... NO... NOOOOOO!!!! *Silence* ~beep~
Adriana has fun with badminton!
Free sushi!
And no more Clementi meetings!
Bad attendence!
Adriana playing badminton turns really bad (pun purposefully put there, though totally out of context). Here's an interview with Kenneth, who saw everything.
"And so, I was minding my own business right? And I looked over, and I saw a person wearing a black sweater, see? And so I thought, 'I think that's Adriana!'. Right? And so I stand there, and wait to see what happens, cause I couldn't see her face.
And so these two guys, presumably her friends, said something, and then, I finally knew it was her, cause she, like, burst out laughing so hard she lost her balance, shrieking and shit. And I was like, 'shit, thats whacked man.' And so I like, stand there, and watch her play? And she was totally into it! She was literally flying about the court. Like, more than half the time without her feet on the ground.
It was really disturbing to witness..."
And there you have it, folks. A rare sight indeed. And it looked like her flying about paid off. And hour later, when she headed back to the clubhouse, she stank like putrid rotten eggs, because her feet were rotting off from this blister the size of my balls. Seriously! And she just hollared and hollared in pain. Serves her right.
That's it for this part, cause I really wanna talk about bad attendence.
Free sushi at Koufu! Every day, or night if you will, around 8pm, the japanese food store at koufu closes. And once they pack, they would have to throw away their food! Ain't that great? So Adri, Nicole, and Ken got free food from there Monday night.
So here's what we'll do. During dinner break at our choir meetings, we all camp out in front of the jap store. And wait for it to close, and then BAM! WHAM! We steal all her food! Great, ain't it...
Yes and there is no more meetings at clementi either... I really need to pee... let's just get this done and over with...
God... look you slacking phucktards... all of us, not excluding anyone, maybe perhaps Joe, has work to do. We all go to the same god damned poly everyday you stinking buttholes...
Look... if this carries on any further, I swear to god I'll knock your skulls in the next time you don't come... I'd burn your HDB flat down... and murder your whole family...
I'd erase you from the very pages of history. I'd pull out your nose hair and plug your noses with rotten eggs. I'd stuff tabasco up your asses, and I'd plug that with your handphones. I'd give you wedgies so much you could spread your underwear across your master bed. I'd spit on my hands and rub them into your ears, and your ears will be gooey and shit.
Then I'd force you to eat the sushi from that Jap store from Koufu. Ew... maybe not... that's abit too gross...
And those are just starters... and when I'm finally done, you'd really rue the day your dad looked at your mum with a twinkle in his eye...
So come to choir! And don't get killed! It'd hurt you alot more than it would hurt me. Come on down now! For more information call 1800-dont-kill-me... thats right... each call costs S$3.00 a minute...
~-~-~-~-~
Bloopers...
And its me, once again, The Unholy One, looking at people's shorts and stories... shit... i just said that... ~beep~
I'd erase you from the pages of the history text book, even Harry Potter would look at me and go, "Wow! Magic!"... ~beep~
And of course we got free food from the jap store... but honestly, the store owner probably pays people to eat her food... *Whack* Ow god damn it... that hurt... ~beep~
And then I'd whip you... and make you beg for mercy... and then I'd put a strap on... *Whack Whack Whack*... *Smack*... Okay! Okay! I'm sorry... got carried away... ~beep~
Oh she smelled lovely... yea... that rotting blister did too... *Smack*... just because you guys don't have a fetish for smelly... *WHACK! SMACK! SOCK! BAM!* Urgh... seriously now... *THUD* *Crumples to the floor* ~beep~
And then I'd pour hot wax all over your body... Ooh... Kinky... Er... what are you doing with that knife... stop... look... I'm not playing anymore... no... no... NO... NOOOOOO!!!! *Silence* ~beep~
The longest wait...
*Spot lights shine...*
*Drums roll...*
*The stage explodes! Heavy metal rock playing in the background!*
"HEY HEY HEY!! LADIES... AND.... GENTLEMEN!!! I'M BACK!!"
*Sparks fly and stage bursts with explosives once again!*
"ITS ME! THE UNHOLY ONE! AND I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD! TO BRING YOU... ONCE AGAIN... NEWS SPV TONIGHT!" *Crowd roars*
*Large shadow appears behind him. Music changes*
"WEEEELLLLLL! HERE'S THE BIG SHOW!"
*Turns around and screams like a sissy girl*
~-~-~-~-~
He woke up with a start.
"Woah! What a dream! I dreamt I was like a WWE star or something. Hey babe, whatcha doing down there eh?"
The man who spoke was about thirty, of medium height, with fashionably styled brown hair, and very handsome.
He stopped short looking ahead of him, his dark eyes shining as he gazed at the naked girl who had been giving him head under the blanket.
And at the sight of her body, he started to get even harder. It grew to be as thick as her fist, and its length seemed to go on forever as it jutted massively into the air.
She felt weak in the knees, and the snake in her belly squirmed. She wanted to fall down and worship it, wanted to crawl to it and pay it homage. She wanted it deep inside her, all the way, filling her, stretching her, tearing her apart.
She was only keeping her eyes on his fantastic prick, breathing harder as she came close to it. She then flung her arms around his legs, moaning as she nuzzled the gigantic thing against her face.
She kissed it, slid her mouth along its length, licked it with her tongue. She kissed and licked his balls. She wanted it inside her, but she couldn't, it was too big.
So she brought out her Swiss army knife and sliced vertically downwards...
~-~-~-~-~
1337b0y59: A4h!!11! 5HI+ Pis5 phUXOR cUn+!!11!!
t45t3pu55y98: OmGWtF!1! rOPhPHlE5 My WoPHfLE$!!1!
1337boy59: OmFg d00d 1 W@s DRE@Mt Th4T 5UM1 CH00PED MY dC1k 0FFf!11!
t45t3pu55y98: N01 1n +3h R1H9+ mInD'd cHOPPxX0Rx J00R CcoKXX0rX.-.
1337boy59: 1M H@vE tEH 1337 H0t 80d @ND J00 5uX0R!1!!
t45t3pu55y98: j00 5ux L1kE J00R MuM L4MO l0L L0L!1!!
1337boy59: Hey man... look out your window... you see that rock?
t45t3pu55y98: u 5UCh 4 wHor3 4ND... 0w... pHuk u!1!!
~-~-~-~-~
And that was the end of our exciting dream segment of today's News SPV Tonight. Its me, The Unholy One, here to bring you once again, the best kind of humour in the world, the type at your expense. Here we go...
~Tonight's New Headlines~
Sex at FC6. What will becoming of this threesome? Or... be cumming... More updates on this later tonight...
Smokers scared away as choir members scream their lungs out...
During the break, there'd be a special segment on how to speak leet.
Choir is pumped up for concert! But what else is pumping? Long hours at choir makes members compromise dinner. What ever will happen to our dinner time?
And of course, our Main Story, which has been going on for the past millennium, "Is Adriana really sane?" And the many styles of her laughter, another scientific mystery to the likes of mankind.
Sex at FC6? Mastermind Adriana set both P and VP of SP Voices to meet at FC6 early this Monday afternoon. Little did they both know she had so much in stored for them.
Within moments of arriving, the she-devil of a choir member hypnotised both P and VP to talk about sex, with her egging them on. This is some of the live footage.
Kenneth, "That's one hell of a nice sausage you got there. Awesome thing."
Wei Xin, "Yea and that bit off there is the circumcised part eh?"
And just as he bit into his sausage, a voice pipped up, "How bout some water to lubricate it?"
And choke choke sputter sputter. Bits of sausage flying everywhere. Surely it was the cause of this witch.
And for the whole hour they were there, it was nothing but sex talk, till Kenneth left the seat and broke the curse laid upon him. What other deviant plans does our quiet little rat have in store for us? Who knows...
Before choir practice, smokers and drug addicts usually hang outside the dance studio. DUring choir, they always disappear. Scientists have found this weird and did a study on it. The answer was simple. The reason they're leaving is because they cannot take anymore of hearing us singing and run away, to save their ears.
They now believe smoking is a much better alternative to joining the choir because they think their lungs are much less damaged compared to ours. I mean, where else does the phrase, "scream your lungs out" come from?
Also, the reason they're coming back is because their daily lives are so horrible they just want to see people suffering more than them. But then they come only to find that our suffering is more than they can bear and leave, once again.
~More... after this short break...~
Have you ever wanted to speak leet? Did you know that leet was invented in the early 1980s within the BBS, allowing leet users to access special files and chat rooms, like archives of pirated software, pornography, or text files documenting topics such as how to construct explosives and manufacture illegal drugs.
The use of leet was to defeat those damn irritating chat filters and those damn system operators from forbidding us to speak about forbidden topics. But nowadays, leet is used by those damn maple noobs, thinking they're so high class and all... pfft...
There are countless different suffix in leet. the -xor, the -age, the -ness, the -t, and the -&. Pointers in leet is to use as little alphabets as humanly possible, and also to use as bad grammer as possible.
Also use emphasis on the majority of your words, like OMGWTF!1!1?// or STFU!1!11 ROFL!!1!
Notice that I used a mixture of 1s and !s. Another point of leet is that you should be as good with your hands as baboons are good with logarithms. So have fun! And customize your words!
And then we have sentence length. The longer and more confusing your sentence is, the more leet it is. Let's say, just take "Austin rocks" is in plain english and is weaker than "Austin r0xx0rz", which again, is weaker than "/\u571N is t3h r0xx0rz" and which is by far weaker than "OMFG D00d /\u571N is t3h UBER 1337 R0XX0RZ".
All in all leet is lame and stupid. But fun for confusing your friends.
~And now, back to news...~
The Voices are now preparing hard for concert. With the constant nagging from the higher ups, our committee is working hard in chasing our guys to sing, extending practices. But... for some reason, why are all our girls ('cept a select few) so well endowed? It's really distracting!!
Besides that, the extended practices leave us with little time for dinner, not to mention work... so at times we have to compromise abit. But for our concert, it's worthit.
Tonight's Main Story, "Is Adriana really sane?" These few days, our cute little Adriana has been laughing alot more than scientists originally predicted. Its astounded at the rate she's growing at. Unbelievable!
She's gone so far she's even developed a 4th laugh. An average person has only a total of 1 laugh, and 1 that is faked, which are alot like orgasms, by the way.
But, Adriana has 4 laughs! Amazing! At this rate, she'll get a nobel prize for most number of laughters invented in history ever. But then again, there is a great similarity between her and the rest of the mental patients... which makes us question her sanity, doesn't it? But we love you, and no matter how insane you get, we'll still be there... to make you even worse...
*Cheesy ending music plays...*
I feel that my inspiration for these nowadays are gone... so yea... we might be stopping these soon...
*Drums roll...*
*The stage explodes! Heavy metal rock playing in the background!*
"HEY HEY HEY!! LADIES... AND.... GENTLEMEN!!! I'M BACK!!"
*Sparks fly and stage bursts with explosives once again!*
"ITS ME! THE UNHOLY ONE! AND I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD! TO BRING YOU... ONCE AGAIN... NEWS SPV TONIGHT!" *Crowd roars*
*Large shadow appears behind him. Music changes*
"WEEEELLLLLL! HERE'S THE BIG SHOW!"
*Turns around and screams like a sissy girl*
~-~-~-~-~
He woke up with a start.
"Woah! What a dream! I dreamt I was like a WWE star or something. Hey babe, whatcha doing down there eh?"
The man who spoke was about thirty, of medium height, with fashionably styled brown hair, and very handsome.
He stopped short looking ahead of him, his dark eyes shining as he gazed at the naked girl who had been giving him head under the blanket.
And at the sight of her body, he started to get even harder. It grew to be as thick as her fist, and its length seemed to go on forever as it jutted massively into the air.
She felt weak in the knees, and the snake in her belly squirmed. She wanted to fall down and worship it, wanted to crawl to it and pay it homage. She wanted it deep inside her, all the way, filling her, stretching her, tearing her apart.
She was only keeping her eyes on his fantastic prick, breathing harder as she came close to it. She then flung her arms around his legs, moaning as she nuzzled the gigantic thing against her face.
She kissed it, slid her mouth along its length, licked it with her tongue. She kissed and licked his balls. She wanted it inside her, but she couldn't, it was too big.
So she brought out her Swiss army knife and sliced vertically downwards...
~-~-~-~-~
1337b0y59: A4h!!11! 5HI+ Pis5 phUXOR cUn+!!11!!
t45t3pu55y98: OmGWtF!1! rOPhPHlE5 My WoPHfLE$!!1!
1337boy59: OmFg d00d 1 W@s DRE@Mt Th4T 5UM1 CH00PED MY dC1k 0FFf!11!
t45t3pu55y98: N01 1n +3h R1H9+ mInD'd cHOPPxX0Rx J00R CcoKXX0rX.-.
1337boy59: 1M H@vE tEH 1337 H0t 80d @ND J00 5uX0R!1!!
t45t3pu55y98: j00 5ux L1kE J00R MuM L4MO l0L L0L!1!!
1337boy59: Hey man... look out your window... you see that rock?
t45t3pu55y98: u 5UCh 4 wHor3 4ND... 0w... pHuk u!1!!
~-~-~-~-~
And that was the end of our exciting dream segment of today's News SPV Tonight. Its me, The Unholy One, here to bring you once again, the best kind of humour in the world, the type at your expense. Here we go...
~Tonight's New Headlines~
Sex at FC6. What will becoming of this threesome? Or... be cumming... More updates on this later tonight...
Smokers scared away as choir members scream their lungs out...
During the break, there'd be a special segment on how to speak leet.
Choir is pumped up for concert! But what else is pumping? Long hours at choir makes members compromise dinner. What ever will happen to our dinner time?
And of course, our Main Story, which has been going on for the past millennium, "Is Adriana really sane?" And the many styles of her laughter, another scientific mystery to the likes of mankind.
Sex at FC6? Mastermind Adriana set both P and VP of SP Voices to meet at FC6 early this Monday afternoon. Little did they both know she had so much in stored for them.
Within moments of arriving, the she-devil of a choir member hypnotised both P and VP to talk about sex, with her egging them on. This is some of the live footage.
Kenneth, "That's one hell of a nice sausage you got there. Awesome thing."
Wei Xin, "Yea and that bit off there is the circumcised part eh?"
And just as he bit into his sausage, a voice pipped up, "How bout some water to lubricate it?"
And choke choke sputter sputter. Bits of sausage flying everywhere. Surely it was the cause of this witch.
And for the whole hour they were there, it was nothing but sex talk, till Kenneth left the seat and broke the curse laid upon him. What other deviant plans does our quiet little rat have in store for us? Who knows...
Before choir practice, smokers and drug addicts usually hang outside the dance studio. DUring choir, they always disappear. Scientists have found this weird and did a study on it. The answer was simple. The reason they're leaving is because they cannot take anymore of hearing us singing and run away, to save their ears.
They now believe smoking is a much better alternative to joining the choir because they think their lungs are much less damaged compared to ours. I mean, where else does the phrase, "scream your lungs out" come from?
Also, the reason they're coming back is because their daily lives are so horrible they just want to see people suffering more than them. But then they come only to find that our suffering is more than they can bear and leave, once again.
~More... after this short break...~
Have you ever wanted to speak leet? Did you know that leet was invented in the early 1980s within the BBS, allowing leet users to access special files and chat rooms, like archives of pirated software, pornography, or text files documenting topics such as how to construct explosives and manufacture illegal drugs.
The use of leet was to defeat those damn irritating chat filters and those damn system operators from forbidding us to speak about forbidden topics. But nowadays, leet is used by those damn maple noobs, thinking they're so high class and all... pfft...
There are countless different suffix in leet. the -xor, the -age, the -ness, the -t, and the -&. Pointers in leet is to use as little alphabets as humanly possible, and also to use as bad grammer as possible.
Also use emphasis on the majority of your words, like OMGWTF!1!1?// or STFU!1!11 ROFL!!1!
Notice that I used a mixture of 1s and !s. Another point of leet is that you should be as good with your hands as baboons are good with logarithms. So have fun! And customize your words!
And then we have sentence length. The longer and more confusing your sentence is, the more leet it is. Let's say, just take "Austin rocks" is in plain english and is weaker than "Austin r0xx0rz", which again, is weaker than "/\u571N is t3h r0xx0rz" and which is by far weaker than "OMFG D00d /\u571N is t3h UBER 1337 R0XX0RZ".
All in all leet is lame and stupid. But fun for confusing your friends.
~And now, back to news...~
The Voices are now preparing hard for concert. With the constant nagging from the higher ups, our committee is working hard in chasing our guys to sing, extending practices. But... for some reason, why are all our girls ('cept a select few) so well endowed? It's really distracting!!
Besides that, the extended practices leave us with little time for dinner, not to mention work... so at times we have to compromise abit. But for our concert, it's worthit.
Tonight's Main Story, "Is Adriana really sane?" These few days, our cute little Adriana has been laughing alot more than scientists originally predicted. Its astounded at the rate she's growing at. Unbelievable!
She's gone so far she's even developed a 4th laugh. An average person has only a total of 1 laugh, and 1 that is faked, which are alot like orgasms, by the way.
But, Adriana has 4 laughs! Amazing! At this rate, she'll get a nobel prize for most number of laughters invented in history ever. But then again, there is a great similarity between her and the rest of the mental patients... which makes us question her sanity, doesn't it? But we love you, and no matter how insane you get, we'll still be there... to make you even worse...
*Cheesy ending music plays...*
I feel that my inspiration for these nowadays are gone... so yea... we might be stopping these soon...
Monday
the aftermath of matthew's sort of surprise party.
his present, a red thong, from all of us was left underneath the piano cover for joe to discover it when he opens the cover to play the keys.
uh, not so funny after all. all he went was "what is this?" "whose is it?"
anyway, this post was delayed. not that it matter.
singers from all over the place joined us for practice and also will be performing with us during the september concert. we are sounding better and better. :)
his present, a red thong, from all of us was left underneath the piano cover for joe to discover it when he opens the cover to play the keys.
uh, not so funny after all. all he went was "what is this?" "whose is it?"
anyway, this post was delayed. not that it matter.
singers from all over the place joined us for practice and also will be performing with us during the september concert. we are sounding better and better. :)
SPV Mars on Earth...
TOP SECRET
Its me, The Unholy One, from Sector 69, the invisible behind the scenes people, whom the government secretly gathered. If you have found out how to read this, you have come across something only for the human eye. You never knew this organisation existed, and shall continue so.
The following information will be disclosed to you at your personal risk. You will be decapitated if any of the following information is disclosed to anyone else. And thus with this knowledge, we shall continue. This was a piece of martian data we recovered from the alien crash site, late Sunday 2007. Its read as follows.
I have recovered information for two social phenomenons that occurred on the 29th and 30th of June human time.
Six human specimens was spotted in the structure they called "SP choir clubhouse" after 8pm Earth hours. It was one of the human's yearly celebration of the day of its birth. A weird ritual the humans perform, but nonetheless, excellent data for us.
They started by taking out a cube like structure and dismantling it, to reveal a dark brown coloured object, something they called "cake". With research from the word wide web, I had found that humans enjoyed ingesting cakes, from the cavity located at the bottom of their faces, or more commonly known as the "mouth".
Not knowing it was living or dead, the humans brutally dissected the "cake" into 6 irregular pieces, they pierced it with coloured "toothpicks" and continued this activity where each of them performed something for the main subject. The human they called "Joanna" and "Adriana" made primitive noises called "music" produced by vibrating their vocal chords.
Humans use these "mouth" cavities for various purposes. Ingestion of food, communication, entertainment with words and music, and the female variation uses them for something called "blow job".
And so after the short but excruciating vocal performance by the females, the one called "Wei Xin" pulled out his kept outer skin to show to the rest of the humans. Apparently, it was "funny" to them. "Humor" they call it. The one called "Nicole" then did a mating action called "groping" on the main subject.
Throughout all of this, we did not see any mating, which was unfortunate, but mating "videos" are found throughout the WWW easily, something they classify as "porn". After the groping, human "Matthew" and human "Kenneth" both performed a "belly dance". A weird action which was also classified as funny. Through all of this, the humans took "pictures" , as a remembrance of this occasion. Personally, it was very disturbing to witness.
After the "cake", the human "Kenneth" presented sacrifices to "Matthew" called "presents". It was a simple piece of processed wood and a weird looking piece of outer skin called "g-string". For what purpose it serves, we don't know yet, but its definitely not for protection.
What followed were many pointless activities called "games" and more ingestion of food. A total of 2 Earth hours were spent there before they headed back to their dens, or "homes", they call it.
END OF PART 1
They then soon gathered at "Matthew's place" after about an hour Earth time to "hang out". Although they did do it outdoors, we so no hanging of any sort.
They performed another ritual, which was that each were to consume large amounts of ethanol mixed with various other liquids. Ethanol is an Earth based liquid which addles the mind and kills at large quantities. No one knows why they consume it, but they enjoyed it quite abit. While they were "getting high", they played with "cards", that were once again processed wood.
And though this activity was limited, they spent a much greater time doing this. And at the end of the day, when they were finally exhausted, they all settled back to rest and recover for the next day.
And so, the question is, "Is Earth a worthy place to conquer?" The answer is no. Humans are illogical, senseless, and disgusting to every extent. But its in their little bit of weirdness that makes them so enjoyable to watch. Let us martians leave them alone in peace for this day. In all that excitement, they deserve just one more day of relaxation.
And so, this is what was recovered. Aside from that, I would like to apologise for the form of today's post and not being able to make it entertaining. It was meant to be a secret, and the only way to pull it off was to make it logical. For logic is the natural enemy of humour. And with logic, entertainment is god damned near impossible. And for now, its just me, The Unholy One, signing off... I'm really tired...
Its me, The Unholy One, from Sector 69, the invisible behind the scenes people, whom the government secretly gathered. If you have found out how to read this, you have come across something only for the human eye. You never knew this organisation existed, and shall continue so.
The following information will be disclosed to you at your personal risk. You will be decapitated if any of the following information is disclosed to anyone else. And thus with this knowledge, we shall continue. This was a piece of martian data we recovered from the alien crash site, late Sunday 2007. Its read as follows.
I have recovered information for two social phenomenons that occurred on the 29th and 30th of June human time.
Six human specimens was spotted in the structure they called "SP choir clubhouse" after 8pm Earth hours. It was one of the human's yearly celebration of the day of its birth. A weird ritual the humans perform, but nonetheless, excellent data for us.
They started by taking out a cube like structure and dismantling it, to reveal a dark brown coloured object, something they called "cake". With research from the word wide web, I had found that humans enjoyed ingesting cakes, from the cavity located at the bottom of their faces, or more commonly known as the "mouth".
Not knowing it was living or dead, the humans brutally dissected the "cake" into 6 irregular pieces, they pierced it with coloured "toothpicks" and continued this activity where each of them performed something for the main subject. The human they called "Joanna" and "Adriana" made primitive noises called "music" produced by vibrating their vocal chords.
Humans use these "mouth" cavities for various purposes. Ingestion of food, communication, entertainment with words and music, and the female variation uses them for something called "blow job".
And so after the short but excruciating vocal performance by the females, the one called "Wei Xin" pulled out his kept outer skin to show to the rest of the humans. Apparently, it was "funny" to them. "Humor" they call it. The one called "Nicole" then did a mating action called "groping" on the main subject.
Throughout all of this, we did not see any mating, which was unfortunate, but mating "videos" are found throughout the WWW easily, something they classify as "porn". After the groping, human "Matthew" and human "Kenneth" both performed a "belly dance". A weird action which was also classified as funny. Through all of this, the humans took "pictures" , as a remembrance of this occasion. Personally, it was very disturbing to witness.
After the "cake", the human "Kenneth" presented sacrifices to "Matthew" called "presents". It was a simple piece of processed wood and a weird looking piece of outer skin called "g-string". For what purpose it serves, we don't know yet, but its definitely not for protection.
What followed were many pointless activities called "games" and more ingestion of food. A total of 2 Earth hours were spent there before they headed back to their dens, or "homes", they call it.
END OF PART 1
They then soon gathered at "Matthew's place" after about an hour Earth time to "hang out". Although they did do it outdoors, we so no hanging of any sort.
They performed another ritual, which was that each were to consume large amounts of ethanol mixed with various other liquids. Ethanol is an Earth based liquid which addles the mind and kills at large quantities. No one knows why they consume it, but they enjoyed it quite abit. While they were "getting high", they played with "cards", that were once again processed wood.
And though this activity was limited, they spent a much greater time doing this. And at the end of the day, when they were finally exhausted, they all settled back to rest and recover for the next day.
And so, the question is, "Is Earth a worthy place to conquer?" The answer is no. Humans are illogical, senseless, and disgusting to every extent. But its in their little bit of weirdness that makes them so enjoyable to watch. Let us martians leave them alone in peace for this day. In all that excitement, they deserve just one more day of relaxation.
And so, this is what was recovered. Aside from that, I would like to apologise for the form of today's post and not being able to make it entertaining. It was meant to be a secret, and the only way to pull it off was to make it logical. For logic is the natural enemy of humour. And with logic, entertainment is god damned near impossible. And for now, its just me, The Unholy One, signing off... I'm really tired...
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